I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
