I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
