it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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