9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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