dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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