So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
