I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
