man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
