Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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