Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
