My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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