Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I touched a dick in church today
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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