Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
