the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
