my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
