I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
