You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
