Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Heās older
Like āhas a job and pays his billsā older or āstill watches porn on DVD because he canāt figure out the Internetā older?
Randomize
