You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
