but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
