Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
