I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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