Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just cut my nipple shaving
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
