there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
