the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
