I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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