So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
