Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
