i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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