he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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