I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
thus making me awesome and them whores
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
