She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
