One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
