i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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