I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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