so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
