# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
