I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
