Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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