then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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