Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
