I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
