Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
organizing the empties. That sober.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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