Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
