The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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