I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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