the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
