hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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