Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
