Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize