I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i've created a new STD.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
