apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
