did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
