He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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