i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
