we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
