She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
