Buhtt sex?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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