Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I could make wine with my vomit
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
