Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Randomize
